With his immaculate dress sense, oh so dapper Andrew can play the part of an English gentleman better than the real McCoy. He does in fact hale from Jamaica but qualified in England and is weighing up his options. Should he practice here and spend his days dodging icy rain, or bask in tropical bliss where the weather is always balmy? The choice may seem obvious, but for our sake - and yours - we’d like him to stay.
Everyone loves Bill Forsyth’s 1981 classic Gregory’s Girl. Men love watching Dorothy’s bouncing bosoms as she gambles across the pitch. Women love the feminist angle. And hipsters love indulging in some hardcore early 1980s nostalgia. Your barrister hottie experts love the film so much that we would like to remake it, but with a total gender reversal. Downy limbed George Mackenzie (in the lead role, of course) will join an all-girls football team in Scotland. At first the girls will be suspicious of his talent, but after a few games he proves himself. It all ends with lots of butt slapping and pinching in the locker room….
Not convinced of George’s hotness? Let us consult an ardent fan who wrote in to salivate over our young Hermes:
“This profile is literally hot off the press. More chiselled jawline here. Not to mention surfer and former rower. Speaks fluent French and Swahili. Once at Oxford during the summer when we were all getting pissed across the home counties at peoples’ 21sts, he was in Kathmandu helping the Nepal government draft a new constitution. Oh, and he’s single.”
Enjoy. Happy Friday!
Our very own barrister hottie sexpot Amal Alamuddin was spotted canoodling with George Clooney on February 18th at a private screening of his film ‘Monuments Men’ at the White House, which just goes to show that they are definitely banging.
We never really bought all that crap about their intellectual connection and here is more proof of the pudding. (Read about their first date here.) Besides, Obama probably wouldn’t let her into the White House under any capacity other than as George’s fuck buddy given that she is representing his arch enemy, Julian Assange.
According to reports the couple looked very close, especially after they got out of the confines of the stuffy W.H. and let loose at the stupidly named Round Robin and Scotch Bar at the Willard Hotel. Wearing a slinky black dress to show of her nice bod, Amal looked like the cat who got the cream. And why wouldn’t she? In the space of one day she met George’s parents, Obama, Matt Damon and wife, and even Bill Murray.
Yes, Amal, life with George is good. It probably beats sweating it out in court and dealing with the day-to-day hassles of working life. Still, don’t get used to it. We know you are good — very good in fact. But are you good enough to get the world’s most famous commitment-phobe to settle down? Time will tell….
To Be Continued
This week’s hottie was nominated by two hottie hunters at large, who write that he is ‘hilarious’ and ‘down to earth and lovely’, despite his ‘Hermes ties and Savile Row suits’. Shiv is Cambridge-educated, sharp as a tack, and has a ‘deep, suitably posh public school boy voice’. Is that not enough for you? Then get this: he’s 6’3”, plays rugby and is ‘a really, gallant gent’, according to our sources, who ‘offers to carry your bag and open doors for you’. And best of all for your animal-loving Barrister Hottie Experts, Shiv is a lifelong vegetarian. Women of the world rejoice! Happy Friday everyone!
Congratulations newly appointed QCs of 2014! You’ve been recognised for years of hard work, and, best of all, you get to swan around in a special gown, just like those annoying people who got firsts in their first year at Oxford.
Now that the list of the new top dawg-diva-hustla-mac daddies is out, we’re here to answer the burning question everyone wants the answer to: who are the hottest new QCs??
Well you’ve come to the right blog. We’ve already fêted Wayne Jordash (above), one of our original hotties, from Doughty Street. Feast your eyes on the other sexy new silks of 2014 below. Enjoy!
Yes, yes, yes! We are all for the delectable Alford. This honorable fighter against fraud looks like Gabriel Byrne in his better days. With his crinkly eyes and good natured half smile, we imagine Stuart might be fun to flirt with. And he’s cultured too — he likes taking photos of Nepalese people and rating plays he’s seen on his website (Eileen Atkins as Ellen Terry at the Globe gets 4 stars). Want to invite us to Glyndebourne Stuart? We totally love rating things too.
A QC, really? David barely looks legal. More like a Yale frat boy or one of Prince Harry’s army pals. But don’t judge a hot book by its cover — the man is a braniac, with a first from Cambridge and a host of prizes etc etc. Because of his tiny photo, we can’t see where David’s shoulders end, unfortunately. They could be limitlessly broad, or very, very narrow. Hottie experts at large, please advise.
What luminous skin and shiny teeth you have, Matthew. How clean-cut and closely cropped you are. Someone’s told us you’re not technically a barrister, but we’re throwing you in here anyway because you look like Ben Affleck and David Tennant’s love child.
What is it about Stephen Vullo? There is certainly some magic going on there, as one hottie informant attests. ‘So hot,’ was the extent of the first missive we received. We requested more info, and received this: ‘Def rugged in a good way. While I like a public school educated Oxbridge graduate as much as the next girl, you can’t teach sex appeal!’ Need we say more?
If we were to quible we could say your picture a tad expressionless, like a robot or a wax figure. But hey, you are still a solid hunk of a man, a brunette Ken doll with with ideal, square-jawed features. And smart too! Our useful hottie guide Chambers and Partners tells us that you were ‘one hell of a clever junior’, ‘very user-friendly’, ‘a pleasure’, ‘charming’. What more could a woman ask for?
He is so tall (we hope), dark and handsome that he could belong to one of those Greek shipping dynasties. Maybe he does? We do love island hopping. Okay, so maybe he’s a solicitor advocate rather than a barrister. But according to his profile he is good at ‘oral advocacy’. Intriguing. And what about how he ‘tailors his approach to get the best results for his clients’ submissions’. Tell us more Constantine! Preferably after you’ve fed us some yummy Greek cheese pies. Mmmm, cheese pie.
Leslie has nice smile and eyes and looks quite chilled. We can imagine him taking a girl on a nice date, and that he has good taste in food. He’s Legal Aid winner of the year, meaning he is a do-gooder, which we like. Why does he speak Russian and French? Kind of random, but cool.
And last but not least, we want to bring your attention to Adam Tolley, QC and his brand spanking new profile picture.
We must congratulate Adam, first on making silk, and second for upgrading his profile picture. You may remember back in December how we pointed out Adam’s less than flattering (aka ghetto) chambers shot? Well it’s been replaced by a rather lovely one. We feel so proud. You look great Adam!
Joshua Garwood of 1 Pump Court is so smokin’ that we thought we would resurrect ‘Hottie of the Week’ for his sake. (And high time too - we know you’ve been missing us.)
First, can we address the elephant in the courtroom? This guy has a SIX PACK. Usually with guys we’re like, ‘well, at least he has a relatively flat stomach before he eats’ or ‘something approaching a not-paunch’. But Joshua has a bona fide, flawless, gleaming stack of muscles. That takes effort. Not just “head to the gym once in a while” effort. But like Rocky levels of effort. Every day. Normally we’d dismiss a guy this ripped as a mindless meat head, but Joshua has the trump card here, because he’s a *man of the law*.
We’re thinking the ‘washboard abs’ metaphor is a bit dated, so in the spirit of the Olympics, we’re calling Joshua’s rack “muscle moguls”. Ski down those slopes girls!
Now let’s move on to Joshua’s pecs. They’re not moobs being flexed desperately, not hairy man titty pies, not coobs (carb-induced man boobs, obvs). They are proper manly pecs. Then there is the smile and the closely tailored pin stripe suit. How does it feel to go up against this man in court gentlemen? To know that while you have strapped your jelly belly into a waistcoat, Joshua has a body of steel under his robes??
We’ll leave you with that thought. Happy Valentine’s Day to you all — and to the lucky person who’ll be hanging out with Joshua Garwood.
Hello Your Barrister Boyfriend readers,
We know we’ve been MIA for a while, but we haven’t disappeared! We’ve just been lounging in LA for a few months, perfecting our bodies and reading Femail. But we decided it was time to get back to work.
Rest assured, we do LOVE barristers. But we feel like spreading our wings a bit and finding other wealthy hottie professionals for our delectation. This is where you come in.
We are looking for DOCTORS! Surely you know some. Have you always had a crush on that cute GP you went to college with? Do you have a super hot podiatrist? Send this to all your doctor friends and please scour your Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter for any suitable talent. We think you know our type.
Check out our new tumblr: YOUR DOCTOR BOYFRIEND!
We’re going to post an official ‘Hottest Doctors in Britain 2014’ list on our new Your Doctor Boyfriend Tumblr when we’re satisfied that we’ve found the sexiest medical doctors in the UK.
You can email us at firstname.lastname@example.org OR email@example.com with totally anonymous tips. SPREAD THE WORD!!
The Hottie Experts
What a year it’s been at Your Barrister Boyfriend! We’ve had the first official 21 Hottest Barrister in London - Male and Female editions, in addition to a 22 Hottest Barristers Regional List, several Hottie of the Week competitions, a date for barrister hottie Amal and George Clooney, our Most Unfortunate Chambers Photos List, the Daniel Cleaver Cleave-Off, the Mark Darcy Duel and the delightful Hot Barrister Birds spinoff. There’s a lot more in store for 2014! Happy holidays and see you in the New Year!
The Barrister Hottie Experts
OH NO YOU DI-INT! We’ve just had our first email from a barrister nominating *himself*. Most barristers have at least begged their friends/colleagues to recommend them, but not Jason Searle. His email was so amusing, we’ve decided to reprint it. Is Jason hot or not? Is he hotter than his St. Johns Buildings colleagues (Daniel Metcalfe, Shaun Spencer and Patrick Thompson) who we put on our 2013 regional list? We’ll let y’all be the judges.
Natalia was quite keen on Nick Davies for our regional hottie list, until our friend pointed out that his picture looks like it was taken during a murder mystery weekend at a country hotel. Note the looming shadow and crumpled blinds. Creeeeeepy!!!
Default pictures are a good place to look for amusement. Here we have Matrix’s ‘blue egg creature’.
Michael Collins, No. 6 looks like a captain of a ship that’s going dooooooown.
Peeking through the Hobbit hole, 7 Harrington Street Chambers.
Apex Chambers has made an elaborate picture effort, with each barrister appearing over a mysterious background featuring a spectral figure.
You may remember Nicholas Gareth Jones of Apex Chambers from our Regional Hottie List. Here, he emerges, like a character in the opening titles of Poirot.
But what happens when you click on a barrister without a photo? This strange thing appears - a bronze crash test dummy.
You can just imagine the photographer asking everyone to cross their arms and sit like they’ve just had a rod shoved up their backside.
This is the 2DJB default. Okay, it isn’t a blue egg, but it’s still fucking weird (and low-res).
Exchange Chambers has a cornucopia of terrible shots which look like they were taken with a disposable camera, aged in Earl Grey for a few months, left out in the sun, and then uploaded in the wrong dimensions. Behold!
Pankaj Madan looks like he’s flirting with the CCTV camera in the corner.
Peter Coe is cute, but his profile pic looks like it was taken in a train station photo booth.
This default makes Andrew Taylor of 30 Park Place look like the invisible man.
Poor 30 Park Place barrister Hoa Dieu’s default is even worse, with what looks like a tacky shot from a ’70s wig catalogue.
Garden Court Chambers clearly has a ‘send in your own photo’ policy - this guy looks like the last person left at your house party. You just want him to get off your sofa and go home.
And here’s a backlit action shot of another Garden Court barrister who just never gets off the phone!
This barrister from No. 5 Chambers moonlights as an ITV news presenter.
Aren’t you supposed to be all fancy, Fountain Court? Then why did you clearly cut out a picture of Adam Tolley and stick it in front of these weeds? That’s just ghetto.
Now these two from Serjeants’ Inn are very attractive. Too bad they look like their photos were cut out with scissors for a school project and glued onto the Serjeants’ Inn homepage.
One Inner Temple Lane makes its barristers look super sweaty, like they’ve all been sprayed down with cooking oil.
This blurry low-res wig on the Castle Chambers site looks like a dead rodent lying across the top of the screen.
Some of St. Philips Chambers’ pictures appear sideways on an iPad. Look at poor Natasha Partos & Jonas Hankin QC! St. Philips might want to update its capabilities for the tablet age.