Be still, our beating hearts! Who is this Adonis who has alighted in South Wales, be-wigged, be-robed, be-medalled, his glorious locks cascading down his noble back? Yes, Dr The Right Honourable The Lord Harley Counsel of the Most Venerable Order of the Hospital of Saint John of Saint Jerusalem! If we had beheld your glorious visage in July, there is no question that you would have unseated our young bucks and taken your rightful place at the top of the hottie list. Alas! It is too late!
Still, we can fantasise. We imagine finding you at your dedicated World of Warcraft computer station, strewn with half-eaten sausage rolls and empty cans of Red Bull. ‘We’re only level 1 night elves,’ we whisper, ‘But can you guide us through Azeroth, oh dwarf warrior?’ Without averting your eyes from game play, you say in Urdu, Punjabi, Gujarati, Hindi, and the Luo language of Kenya and Tanzania, ‘Silence n00bs! I’m busy beta testing Warlords of Draenor. Can’t you see I’m about to melee with this goblin mage?!? I need a feral druid for tank-and-spank, but I’ve lost my meat shield!’
Inspired by South Park’s ‘Make Love, Not Warcraft'
Not everyone can be super hot, but many more can be somewhat/quite/relatively hot.
So on the back of our Hottest Barristers in London 2014 men’s list, we thought we would entertain you with a few of the runners-up for our 2nd annual Hottest Barristers in London List (Men’s edition)… the ones who got away, so to speak.
Let us give you a bit of context. At 1 am on the night before publishing THE LIST, we discovered that we had 23 hotties rather than 21. This really wouldn’t do, so we had to make some agonising choices. After heated debate, we tearfully bid farewell to 2 hotties. We thought they deserved some recognition, however, so here they are, mixed in with a host of other men who made it to the final round.
Michael Crane QC, Fountain Court
The women love him. We agree, he has a real twinkle. Check out these recommendations:
‘Talk about a real silver fox! Utterly charming, charismatic and truly mesmerising in action…such an old school gent.’
‘Michael Crane is blindingly hot and charming and essentially amazing. We are all deeply in love with him. *drifts off*.’
Jonathan Tod, 29 Bedford Row
Another silver fox - here’s what his fans have to say:
‘You obviously haven’t seen Jonathan Tod of Bedford Row - absolutely to die for and much better in the flesh compared to his profile picture on the Internet!’
People, get your photos in order. We can’t just go on word of mouth!
Joshua Normanton, 5 Paper Buildings
A very reliable source sent us Josh, whose kind eyes and slightly self-effacing down-frown (yep, we made that word up) almost won him a place.
Alex Goodman, Landmark Chambers
Two separate women have written in support of Alex.
‘Hello - please find the good man Alex Goodman at Landmark Chambers,’ one writes. ‘What a fit man. I hope you agree.’
We nearly agreed.
James Puchas, 4 Pump Court
James Purchas looks like he’s travelled in a DeLorean from the 80s. He’s hot, in a Blue Steel sort of way.
Carl Brewin, 3 Paper Buildings
Again, two separate women have got behind Carl. One writes: ‘Dark, brooding, grumpy in the mornings!’ Has she had some first hand experience? His picture looks like a cheesy publicity shot for a modern retelling of La Boheme put on by an ambitious yet minor opera company. Still, we’d probably date him.
Jonathan Williams, Bettoseraglini
Jon was recommended by a fan who writes, ‘The attached picture should be sufficient to explain why he belong on the list. Tall, blond, slim, perfect features, etc.’
Etc.? Come now, put some effort into those descriptions. He’s cute, but we might need some more proof. Candids and shirtless pics, s’il vous plaît.
We were almost smitten with this cutie, who looks like a goofy (but loveable) Australian cricketer.
We are slightly perturbed by the fact that Nick is listed online under the heading ‘Children Barristers’ (Google his name). Hm. More importantly, he comes highly recommended by a tipster who says: ‘My own personal favourite is Nicholas Anderson… mainly after seeing him squirm when a client was quite forcefully trying to proposition him and follow him back to his car after a court hearing. (He had been trying to put the case forward that she wasn’t a prostitute despite allegations by the husband.) He handled it extremely well. It’s just a shame he is married to someone else in chambers!’
His doe-eyed beauty caught our attention. He looks a bit like a deer in the headlights, but a serious and refined deer.
We chanced upon this golden youth and noted that he got a first at Cambridge and is fluent in ‘conversational’ French, as well as dabbling in Italian and German. Clearly très sophisticated. But is he tall?
Paul looks like a hipster hottie whose jelled his hair into a bit of a faux-hawk. Sure, he’s a barrister, but we imagine he also likes to frequent the Bethnal Green Working Man’s Club and go on holiday to former Soviet Bloc cities with his band of male comrades. He may occasionally go out with a woman, but she must be quietly cool and not make a loud show of herself like certain nameless American girls. We know his type. We know it well.
And finally, one of our favourites. Sam looks rather like Andy Samberg, the hot former SNL cast member most famous for his sketch ‘Dick in a Box’ with Justin Timberklake. There is something trustworthy, steadfast and dependable about Sam who, with his reassuringly nerdy glasses, seems like he would be good snuggler and devoted boyfriend. The blog *is* called Your Barrister Boyfriend, after all.
As a follow-on from our earlier post, we’re delighted to say that the lovely Marianne Butler is featured in the Evening Standard today. Please do donate to this great cause - Le Cure de France. And George & Amal, if you’re reading, chip in too!
Hello everyone, we know that you usually expect nothing but sheer frivolity and/ or irreverence from us, but on this occasion we would like to share something a bit more serious with you.
Last year we grew very fond of Fountain Court’s Marianne Butler who was no. 2 on our Hottest Female Barristers in London list 2013. We were instantly drawn to her sparky personality and witty email banter, and found ourselves cracking up every time we corresponded with her. We could tell right away that Marianne was a very special person.
Life, however, doesn’t seem to have much rhyme or reason. Nor does it reward people equally. It is certainly ironic that while no. 1 Amal’s year went on a stellar upwards trajectory, being romanced and then affianced to the world’s biggest movie star, Marianne had a somewhat different post-hottie list outcome.
On the 26th of September, she was diagnosed with grade III breast cancer, with no warning, and no family history of the disease. The situation was so grave, her doctor ordered her to start chemotherapy the following Monday (the 30th). Funnily enough, Marianne was poised to begin a big case with another barrister hottie, the legendary Derrick Dale. But once the diagnosis came in, there was only one thing to think about — getting better.
Your Barrister Hottie Experts heard about Marianne’s condition in December 2013 and got in touch. Marianne responded with an ever-hilarious note, saying that she was ‘bald as a worm’ from chemo. Naturally we were shocked, saddened, and just plain pissed off that fate could deal such an unfair blow to this wonderful person.
In May 2014, Marianne wrote saying the cancer had buggered off for now, though she was still undergoing treatment. ‘There is nothing like being bald to feel like a supermodel when eyelashes return,’ she wrote, always able to draw on her humour even at the worst of times.
Up until now, we have been able to do precious little for Marianne, except admire her incredible spirit, and regret not putting her at the top of our hottie list 2013. Now, however, we have the chance to do something for Marianne.
Her cancer was vanquished in part by two drugs she received while under the care of Professor Ian Smith (future doctor hottie?) at the Royal Marsden Hospital and its cancer Research Fund. This was the first time these two drugs had been used for a front-line treatment at the hospital. They worked to stop the cancer cells from communicating with other cells in the body, basically holding the tumor down while the chemo and Marianne’s immune system kicked its ass.
Marianne having chemotherapy treatment.
To raise money for the Research Fund that offered Marianne this pioneering treatment, a group of 25 of her friends and family are riding their bikes up the Tour De France’s most intimidating climbs from September 10-14. It’s called Le Cure De France, which you must admit is charming. They may not be fit, they may not be agile, but they are doing it for Marianne, and all the other women who may be affected by this awful disease.
We really hope you will help out!!
We’re back! It is with great excitement that we present the 21 Hottest Barristers in London 2014: Male Edition.
We’ve taken your many, many recommendations into account, and balanced word of mouth praise with the harsh reality of some of the chambers pictures. This is obviously not an exact science but we feel confident that our 2014 list is the hottest yet. Enjoy!!!!!